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10 Clues You’re About to Be Fired

Unemployment Rate Hits Nine-Year High newspaper coffee
Sandra Mu, Getty

Times are tough and big business types are looking for excuses to reduce their workforce to preserve their ridiculous salaries, unnecessary bonuses and pure ivory staplers that only work with staples made of gold.

If you fit one of the following signs, it might be time to get your resume in order and feather dust your neglected LinkedIn page.

1. Not only does your keycard not work, but it administers a 1,000 volt electric shock every time you try to use it.

2. Your “Hang In There” kitten poster has been replaced by a “Time to Throw in the Towel” lemmings poster.

3. Your cubicle has been replaced with a Starbucks.

4. Good news: you found out there’s a going away party in the break room. Bad news: It’s for you.

5. All the sharp things, chairs and “rope-like” objects have suddenly been removed from your office.

6. Your boss asks if you can do them a favor “since you won’t be doing anything for the foreseeable future.”

7. Mitt Romney’s investment firm just bought your company.

8. At the company picnic, you receive a special award for “Most Likely to File for Unemployment Soon.”

9. While you were out, your boss had your office moved to the dumpster out back.

10. Your boss asks if you wouldn’t mind relocating to another company.

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