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6 Movies To Help You Break Up With a Girl

Are you lazy? Do you not want to deal with the fuss of breaking up with your significant other? Do you want to drop a blatant hint without having a three-hour conversation about the relationship? Here is a list of six movies to aid you in the process of breaking up with a girl.Each movie caters to a specific type of person and requires different tactics. Use these ideas and you should have more space in your bed in no time.

‘Misery’

This relationship has been dangerous from the get-go. She calls you non-stop, won’t let you pick out your own clothes and has routinely hung-up on your mother. Now, I am not suggesting violence as in the movie; we are just looking for an escape. When James Caan’s character first attempts his escape, that’s when you make your break for the door screaming “FREEDOM!” Hopefully, she won’t catch you and break your ankles like Kathy Bates does to Caan. You should probably change your phone number and address for safety’s sake.

‘Rudy’

She hasn’t stopped talking about her cat’s third birthday party since she entered the apartment. This relationship has to end today. Without saying a word ,you slip in ‘Rudy’; you tell her to pipe down and begin to watch. Inspiration instantly fills you up. Once you wipe away the tears at the end of the film, you now know anything is possible. Point to the door and calmly say “It’s over. Get out.” Head to your bedroom, lock the door and blast some music. It’s fun listening to something - anything – other than her voice.

‘Closer’

You have heard from multiple sources that your girlfriend is cheating on you. This sucks, but it gives you a chance to really make her sweat before the breakup happens. Pop in this classic and watch her squirm as every character cheats on each other, all the while making comments like “How can they do this to each other?” Once the film ends, tell her you know what she did. Then hit her with a line like: “Clive Owen might take people back, but I sure don’t”

Star Wars: Episode 1– The Phantom Menace’

You have been on and off with her for months, but it feels like years. You can’t strike up the magic that the original relationship had; you should show her why sequels suck. There are a lot of options here, but we need to draw her in with something she will watch. ‘Star Wars: Episode 1′ will likely do the trick. Place hints like “Why would they want to continue this series? It’s nowhere near as good as the original,” and “Boy they must have wasted a lot of time, money and energy on this crap.” Hopefully, she will get the hint. If not, you can always pop on your Darth Vader helmet and use the Force. Lots of lightsaber sounds would also help kill off the relationship.

‘The Break-Up’

We have all gotten into relationships based on looks, and you quickly find out that your mate isn’t the brightest bulb. Keep this one simple. Don’t waste your time on metaphors or something with deeper meaning; the only reaction you’ll get is a smile. Make the popcorn, set up the movie and slowly head for the door. Hopefully she understands, if not, draw her a picture for further explanation. No math, though.  [You — Me = Happy Me] might be more than she can process.

‘The Notebook’

This move is if you ever somehow get over the fact that your girlfriend has cheated on you once, forgave her, and then you hear that she has pulled the same stuff again. The optimal day is obviously Valentine’s Day, for we will be pulling no punches by using this approach. Invite her over for what you are calling a romantic night complete with a homemade meal, candles and her favorite movie ‘The Notebook.’ Earlier that day, buy  a piñata and fill it with anything of hers that you have. Pictures, movies, books- all of it. The kicker here is that you are also filling the piñata with tiny bottles of vodka. Have the piñata hanging in the room for her when she comes in. Say it’s her present and hand her the bat or stick. Once she starts whacking away, the vodka will break smearing the stench of booze over everything of hers, then things will start crashing to the ground. In her shock, take the bat away and say ‘This is what you did you to me.’ The final hooray comes when you take the disc of  ‘The Notebook’ out and smash it on your own. Hopefully she will get the point.

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