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Chris Illuminati

New Line Cinema
New Line Cinema
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6 Movies To Help You Break Up With a Girl

Are you lazy? Do you not want to deal with the fuss of breaking up with your significant other? Do you want to drop a blatant hint without having a three-hour conversation about the relationship? Here is a list of six movies to aid you in the process of breaking up with a girl.

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NBC Universal
NBC Universal
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Man in Gumby Suit Tries to Rob 7-11 (But Doesn’t End Up in the Pokey) [VIDEO]

A man dressed as Gumby made such a horrible attempt at robbing a 7-11 store that the clerk thought it was all a joke. The assailant told the clerk he was being robbed then fumbled inside his costume as if he was going to pull out a gun. He ended up dropping 27 cents on the floor and being told by the man behind the counter “not to waste his time.”

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Category: Weird News
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Chuck Norris Punch Is the GIF That Keeps on Giving

If animated GIFs are the cherry on top of our daily internet sundae, Chuck Norris is the fudge. These cherries and fudge are unrelated to the actual cherries and fudge that top our real daily sundaes which we like to enjoy in our large conference room covered ceiling to floor in plastic tarps. Caramel can get messy!

Back to animated GIFs, they often say the things people just can’t like: “obese people falling is never not hilarious,” “cats are cwazy” and “good Lord I’d love to deliver a Norris-style punch to your lips right now.”

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Unemployed Man Finds $150K in Vegetable Garden

Here is how the cheesy late-90′s stand-up comic buried deep in our subconscious would report this story:

“Hey folks! Did you read the story in the Northwest Herald today about a guy in Illinois that found $150K in his backyard garden? Talk about growing some cabbage! Am I right folks? Those are a different kind of greens my friends! You hear what I’m saying everyone?!?”

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Category: Weird News

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