They do now. The carpets in my apartment match my brand new clean drapes and are as clean as can be because I finally discovered the RUG DOCTOR.

You can find it at Safeway. I haven’t cleaned the carpets since George Bush was still president, so you can imagine all the gunk that was pulled out from my LIME GREEN carpets. Yes, they are lime green. No one else would take the apartment I rented because they were thrown off by the shade of green, but not me. I saw potential, and it expresses my usual happy, gleeful mood. I highly recommend the Rug Doctor (and make sure you get the matching cleaner because I was not told to buy it and I had to go back and wait in a superlong line in the [expletive] grocery store to get it.

Now that my carpets are so fresh and so clean (clean, clean, clean), I feel like a majestic African Queen. Here is my theme song LOL: