OK, Who the Hell Hexed Post Malone?
Like the disembodied specter of death personified that haunts the characters of the Final Destination film series, someone or something is seriously out to get Post Malone.
Ever since taking home the MTV VMA for Song of the Year on Aug. 20, the rapper has been steeped in misfortune.
First, there was the terrifying Aug. 21 incident in which his private jet, after blowing two tires during takeoff, had to circle around multiple states to burn fuel before making a nail-biting emergency landing. "i landed guys," the musician wrote after he was safe on the ground. "thank you for your prayers. can't believe how many people wished death on me on this website. f--- you. but not today."
Then, there was the Sept. 7 car crash, when a Rolls-Royce Malone was riding in smashed into another car in West Hollywood. "god must hate me lol," he wrote on Twitter after the accident, which he and everyone else involved miraculously walked away from unharmed.
In another unfortunate twist of (at this point) cartoonish Looney Tunes proportions, just yesterday (Sept.10) it was reported that Malone was the target of a home invasion. The artist's former San Fernando Valley residence was broken into back on Sept. 1, with the burglars making off with nearly $20,000 worth in items before reportedly shouting, "Where's Post Malone?"
The threatening thieves, of course, didn't know Malone no longer lived there, but the incident was nonetheless frightening considering the rapper was clearly a pointed target.
Naturally, this could all only mean one logical thing: Post Malone has been hexed by powerful dark forces. For reasons yet unknown, someone is clearly out to get the man, but just who could be responsible for wreaking such cosmic havoc on the rapper?
Below, we investigate the many possible culprits behind Malone's hellish bout of bad luck.