Humor: Cookie Company Denies Existence of Loch Ness Monster

Finally, two of my loves have come together. Eating frosted animals and believing in the existence of cryptozoological creatures. I've often purposefully burned pop-tarts in order to cut them into shapes of Sasquatch. Or buying multiple churros, stretching them out and then squishing them all together in the hopes of having a cinnamon & sugar Kraken. So when my wife bought me a new bag of Circus Animals, I was happy to eat the frosted animals I love so much all delivered by Mother's Circus Animal Cookies! But when I looked closer at the bag, my jaw dropped! First in excitement, and then in RAGE!

Okay, first the cookie part. Super excited, I never look a gift cookie in the mouth. I do other things with my mouth and cookies. I.E. eat them. Then, if you read the previous paragraph, (which if you're eating this one, I'm sure you read the previous one) you know, that I love eating possibly non-existent animals in frosted form. So BOOM! Super excited! I get to eat a Unicorn (possibly extending my life if the Harry Potter film is to be believed). I get to eat a dragon, which I'm sure will taste like a cross of chicken and alligator (which i have already eaten, in jerky form, sadly not frosted). I'm not sure how I feel about eating a mermaid. One because of the whole "half-cannibalism" thing, but also, I hate seafood. All and all, I was excited, until I saw what is CLEARLY suppose to be the Loch Ness Monster re-labeled an everyday, run of the mill "Sea Serpent". That is complete and utter MINOTAUR S***!!!!

Nessy, aka The Loch Ness Monster is not a sea serpent! The fact that the beast from the waters of Loch Ness has flippers, a body, and a long neck and head, makes it drastically different from the Sea Serpent criptid. Don't believe me? Check it out on Wikipedia! Now some (probably from the cookie company) may argue how, that the cookie does not have flippers, so it's clearly a Sea Serpent. Well when you look at the waviness of the cookie, that is to represent Nessy in the water and his bigger body. A Sea Serpent is usually depicted as skinnier. I attempted to reached out to the Mother's Cookie Company for feed back, but unfortunately, in my anger, I ate all the cookies, fell like a stone into a food coma brought on by a frosted Medusa.

Get our free mobile app

Now, I will admit, we may never know what the Lock Ness monster may look like, or even if it exists. Although if we take the idea from the 2004 film Napolean Dynamite, we may just find out! Check that clip out below.